thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
