I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
