Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
and you fell through a lawn chair
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
