$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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