why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
