Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
