so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
