ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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