no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
