this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
