Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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