another moral hangover. fuck.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
