If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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