I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
