I haven't been this sober since birth.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
