my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
