Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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