Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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