Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Where is the hickey?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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