I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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