Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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