my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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