My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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