i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
