I got chris browned last night
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
