I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
