so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
