glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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