someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
