So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
