I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
