Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
