I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
