My nipple is on Facebook.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize