Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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