Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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