There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
