i think i have two assholes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Your cock deserves a montage
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
