If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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