I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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