ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
