We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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