That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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