and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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