I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
