I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
