saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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