I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
