that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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