OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
