Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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