I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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