Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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