Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
