I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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