Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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