we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
