Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize