too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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