my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
