ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
