hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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