Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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