Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
