I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
