Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
