Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
