I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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