I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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