Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
