some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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