P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
