Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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