Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
