This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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