it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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