I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
