I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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