Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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