She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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