You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
