was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
