the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize