Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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