The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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