At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
