where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize