Got a toothbrush?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
