The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
