Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
