We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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