I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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