He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
