his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
