Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
