I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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