I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
