Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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