She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
