She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
