we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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