She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
