So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
